5280 And Beyond


It is decided. New Time Same Weird Channel FXXView more Paul Scheer on WhoSay


It is decided.
New Time
Same Weird Channel FXX

View more Paul Scheer on WhoSay


Fuck your helmet grid.


Fuck your helmet grid.

(Source: hankhell)

  • Ruxin: You know what? I have an idea.
  • Rafi: Jerk off party?
  • Ruxin: No.
  • Rafi: Let's do this.
  • Ruxin: No.
  • Rafi: (unbuttoning pants) I like where this is going.
  • Ruxin: Okay, put it away and just listen to me. What if you took Geoffrey to swim class?
  • Rafi: Yes! Done! Obviously your kid needs a male role model. 'Cause I'll be honest with you, he's soft. Weak and soft.
  • Ruxin: 'Cause he's four.
  • Rafi: 'Cause he's your son.
  • Ruxin: No.
  • Rafi: You spend all your time reading books and looking at numbers and letters like they mean something.
  • Ruxin: They do, do you know how to read?
  • Rafi: I get by, alright?
  • Ruxin: What do you know?
  • Rafi: You know, like red means stop.
  • Ruxin: Great
  • Rafi: Green means go.
  • Ruxin: Good.
  • Rafi: Yellow's the other one.
  • Ruxin: Do you want to do this with Geoffrey?
  • Rafi: Yes! I'm telling you, I really want to.
  • Ruxin: Okay, then you need to listen to these rules.
  • Rafi: I'm listening!
  • Ruxin: RED!
  • Rafi: (pauses)
  • Ruxin: Okay. Few rules: no smoking.
  • Rafi: Cigarettes or drugs?
  • Ruxin: Both.
  • Rafi: Oh come on! How long does this class even last?
  • Ruxin: Like an hour.
  • Rafi: What?!
  • Ruxin: Two: no swearing.
  • Rafi: Oh shit on me.
  • Ruxin: Three: no knives.
  • Rafi: What if there's an attack?
  • Ruxin: It's children and mothers in a pool.
  • Rafi: That's exactly what I would attack.
  • Ruxin: And here's the forth, and this is the most important, you need to pretend to be me. And that's our secret so that Sofia doesn't know.
  • Rafi: Alright.
  • Ruxin: You're pretending to be Rodney Ruxin.
  • Rafi: Yeah.
  • Ruxin: Do we have a deal?
  • Rafi. Yeah, deal. No wait, do you have a sister?
  • Ruxin: Yeah.
  • Rafi: I get to do her.
  • Ruxin: She lives in Milwaukee, she's married to a dentist, and she's got IBS. So have at her.
  • Rafi: Oh I will.

On particularly rough days when I’m sure that I can’t possibly endure I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.

- (via thespartanwarrior)

(Source: mattyberninger)

(Source: ash-house-wares)


He walled us in. He walled us in!

Jul 9


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